That title sums up this mornings 16 mile run in a sentence. In short, I walked the uphill, ran the flat and downhill except for the last mile which I mostly walked. And I did my first and hopefully last al fresco poo. Have I caught your interest?
Long version.
The morning started with a run to the end of the road with my aqua rucksack, then a run home after deciding I didn’t like it. Seriously constricting and it jumped around all over the place. Sort of reminded me of my last outing with a rucksack… (thanks to Almas friend Dave for this illustration)
After I swapped my rucksack for my suicide bomber belt*, I headed off for my run. I had a vague route in my head, but I was in the mood to see where the road took me, and boy was it a good un! I went off the beaten track (quite literally) and saw some wonderful things. Freshly sown fields with flocks of birds nicking the seeds (despite the cut out of a red kite attached to a pole by a string and swining around), baby grouse and mummy grouse were charging around and I even saw a peacock in a tree (I heard him before I saw him). Squirrels were scampering in the undergrowth whilst being chased by rabbits, and there was a whole field of pigs foraging and gruffling** for food. The best sight though, was a herd of wild deer. As my footsteps are as light as a feather*** I got quite close (about 25 feet) before they scarpered up the hill, their white pom pom tails all bounding away from me in unison.
That was all in the first 6 miles, whilst the sun was shining and I was bouncing along feeling full of the joys of spring. I started to feel a bit fatigued (I had, rather stupidly, not eaten before my run) so I took a gel. Mile 7 was mostly a hill which I walked up (that’s my new long run strategy – walk uphill, run flat and downhill) and when I started running again my stomach started to bubble and grumble. At the top of the hill was a long ridge; the wind was blowing and it started to rain, but I tried to stay positive. I plodded on, maintaining a 12m 30 pace and feeling more and more in need of a loo. I was miles away from anywhere so started looking for for a spot off the road I could go as I really didn’t want to do a Paula. A mile on I found somewhere suitable – a dense little copse right by the road but fairly secluded.
Picture me, if you will, in my bright yellow Meningitis Trust running top, thinking that I am completely hidden behind one branch and 15 leaves. I hadn’t seen another soul for 30 minutes then, just as I dropped my kecks, from nowhere appear 3 cars, 2 horseback riders, 4 male cyclists and 2 other runners. I felt like I was in my own version of The Truman Show where every time Jim Carreys character tries to leave his house loads of traffic and people appear from thin air. I froze, thinking if I didn’t move they wouldn’t be able to see me, because of course, bright yellow tops are rendered invisible by non-movement. I think it worked.****
Al fresco is a funny story to tell but not a nice experience, but at least I will remember not to take a gel on an empty stomach again.
The rest of the run passed by in a blur of grass, roads, huffing and puffing. The huffing and puffing got louder and louder and my field of vision shrunk from the beautiful vista I was running through, to 5 or at most 10 feet in front of my feet. It became a battle of wills between my brain and my body and for the last 2 miles my body won – as I did a sort of stumbling walk/run/walk to home. When I got to my front door, I struggled to get my key out of my pocket and only felt human again after a bottle of chocolate yazoo, a cold bath and a cup of tea. Note to self – EAT before running 16 miles!
Despite the hills, the wind, the rain, the trip to the bushes and the stumbling last 2 miles, I feel suprisingly good about todays run. For the majority of it I was in a positive state of mind, it was a lovely route which with some tweaks could be cut to 10 miles or increased to 18-20 (next weeks aim) and I enjoyed it. I am really looking forward to next Sunday when Alma is making the trip up here to join me for my run – if anyone else can get to Luton Airport Parkway for 8.30 – 9am on Sunday morning and wants to join us (12m 30s pm pace) you are more than welcome. There may even be a pub lunch afterwards with BEER and CHIPS!
*I am not really a suicide bomber, it’s just a belt with a pocket, and hooks for gels and two water bottles so it looks like the sort of belt a suicide bomber might wear as I expect they would need a lot of places to put things.
**That may not be a word but as abrdaypus has made up words today, and she has an Oxford education I thought it would be OK for me to too!
***I may be lying about that.
****Possibly another lie as I’m sure it was only 2 cars but one came back for a second look.
Fitflo 
great blog! really looking forward to next week xx
Haha … Excellent. Most entertaining.
Lol. You should have shut your eyes as well as keeping still, because as every child knows, “If I can’t see you, you can’t see me”.
Lol! Great blog… Can just imagine you hiding behind a tree in fluorescent yellow!
Well done in 16 miles! Well on your way to VLM!!
Well done! The distance is rather impressive, looking forward to read your report after the next weekend (I hope it will start by you describing a large breakfast BEFORE the run).
Stooooopid can’t believe you did nt have anything to eat before trying a long run if you were nearer I’d give you a slap! I quite often hide in the bushes in my high vis running jacket, I am praying that spring will come soon bringing with it leafy bushes. Great mileage mrs x
Excellent! Be safe, be seen!
Nothing wrong with sounding like a steam train – I think they go quite fast! Well done on the mileage and thanks for an entertaining blog! I love the picture!! 🙂